My Biological Alarm Clock Isn't YOUR Business!

Today’s entry comes straight from the headline articles on MSN.com that was pulled out of Newsweek. It is an article written by Carrie Friedman. Here is the link to it for reference:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19762056/site/newsweek/?GT1=10150

Many of my friends, family and business associates are so hip on this issue. I especially appreciate “the parents” that have come to my defense when witnessing or hearing about an incident. First, please understand I realize the following… I get that having children and the joys of that are tremendous. I also get that I will probably never know the joy of being a parent or fully understand the joys of holding your own child. I struggle with that a lot. Most women that make this decision do. If they don’t, they certainly SHOULDN’T PRO CREATE.

There are many other things I will never experience that are common for society. I will never know what is like to be raised by a single parent. I will never know what is like to be abused as a child. I will never know the joy and challenge of being a brother or sister. I will never know what it is like to be a size two. Some people will never understand the joys of having a dog or being married to a wonderful man. Life is full of choices. That is why I try very hard to bite my tongue when commenting on parenting choices that others make. I don’t always succeed. I am sure the parents of the world are sick of us “DINKS” making snide remarks about their parenting skills when we haven't had to walk a mile in their pumps carrying an out of control two year old with a lollipop stuck in their hair.

I just really resent the people that push their choices on me and then make me feel horrid because I haven't gone down that path. As a result, I am the first to congratulate someone like my two cousins which have kids and have made the sacrifices to be stay at home moms. I also will tout the choice that an HR Director I know made to be a great mom to twin girls and a dedicated career woman.

Would anyone say to a single mother, "I can't believe you actually work. A real woman would find a way to stay home with that child. You are neglecting your child!" Boy is that the farthest from the truth!

I guess it strikes a cord because I can't be at a social function without this being thrown in my face by someone. I finally have taken to using the following statement, "My husband and I are the proud parents of Annie and Seamus, our two bird dogs. The Lord has not blessed us with human children and that is fine with us. We like our lives just the way they are. If God chooses us to be parents, we will accept it as a blessing" If that doesn't shut them up, then I get rude or emotional. I know that another dear family member really hates this question. She went through all the hurt of miscarriages. They decided that it was enough to be married and they didn’t need children to complete their lives. I never ask but I bet this nasty line of questioning really hurts her.

You might think I am over reacting and this doesn’t happen so often. Well, I have had to go through this twice since June 30th. Is that enough for you?

To be clear, I certainly don’t mind people telling me I would a great mom or asking IF I have children. The point you stop is asking “why”. If you must do that, take the answer at face value. Don’t press someone. Isn’t the last thing our society needs is people having children that don’t want them? If you think their choice is trivial or a mistake. That is fine but, you aren’t the child that wasn’t wanted but whose parents felt pressured to have to meet society’s expectations. This is another thing I will never know what is like to be an un-wanted child. I am very lucky to have loving parents.

Beyond this, I pay my fair share of taxes to pay for schools, teachers, and DCF that I will only have a secondary use of by hopefully believing that the public school system and social services does the job they are intended to do for society. I don't know many social services I benefit from that a mother the same age and income level doesn't.

I don’t resent paying for the public school system. I come from a Masonic family. One of the founding principals of Masonic teachings is that free public education is the cornerstone of every great society. I have friends and family that work in and for DCF. I am proud of them and thank them for doing an unfortunately necessary job. Just a note, these donations called taxes are my gift to your children. Perhaps a thank you once and awhile for it?

The choice for me not to have children is one I will struggle with for the rest of my life. I see the disappointment in my parents and in-laws eyes when it brought up. I know that I will have to pick out and have the funding for long term healthcare and housing. I will do this rather than pay for college and weddings. I will always be the one that covers the office during "school vacations and Christmas" because I don't have kids or grandkids. I don't mind covering for someone to go to their son's soccer game or stay at home with them when they are sick. Just don't have a hissy fit if I need to run to pick up Annie at the groomer or want to go to my nephews’ and nieces’ games in the future.

It is all about balance and respect. People should respect our choice to not have kids. We will try not to scream when the future generations wipe their dirty hands on my drapes, kick the back of our seats on flights, and interrupt a nice dinner out at 9 PM outside of the Christmas shopping season.

Thanks for always being there to hear my rants. As for being a mommy, I have a fur baby shaking in my lap. It is beginning to rumble thunder. Poor baby, mommy is here…..